Category Archives: Mindset

3 Reasons Why Women Lag Behind Men in Business

women behind men
Before you can tackle a problem, you have to know the nature of the problem.

1. Women are clueless about what constitutes the context for success in business.

Women have been in business for real for about 30 years. By 'real' I mean when divorce became the norm, not the exception, working wasn't a want or nice to have. It became vital.

Women come to the workplace as entrepreneurs, small business owners and corporate leaders and bring with them 5000 years of "home place baggage." For 200+ generations women have been making peace, nurturing others, and learning to manage and lead a family. A powerful and unique set of skills.

Family, as boomers knew it, has all but disappeared, leaving single parents, the largest impoverished segment of society, scrapping to meet needs; forget about any wants. The pressure is on and statistics show it will be mid century before women and men earn the save wage for doing the same work.

Women enter the workplace with the wrong set of skills to succeed by matching and playing into the context for success in business. Perhaps you have noticed that women have to tell the whole story -- which works for keeping the peace and nurturing at home -- yet which loses the listening of business leaders in a heartbeat. Success in business is done via bullet points, not narratives.

We're "all about that peace, about that peace, about that peace" so our conversations are peppered with "I'm sorry", "I believe," and "I think."

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We enter the workplace and meetings with a hug rather than a handshake. We wear flashy, noisy and distracting jewelry, low cut blouses, and put on makeup in meetings.

When given constructive criticism we often crumble in a puddle of tears, promising to never let 'that' happen again.

Any one of these behaviors isn't a deal breaker on its own. When you have however several of these clashing business behaviors working concurrently, here's what happens -- business leaders, both men and women -- STOP LISTENING. It's automatic and the worst part is that they aren't even aware of it.

2. Women are missing vital skills and building business success habits.

The skills above are simple to change once they are recognized. That's the key. Women have to be responsible about their own behavior.

The process to eliminate or curtail the behaviors is simple. Pick an attribute you possess, and it doesn't have to be the most challenging one, and observe other women interacting in business that exemplifies that particular attribute. Watch the result ... what people are doing ... are they listening or do they walk away?

Once you see how this behavior impacts the listening of others -- social proof -- you begin by purposely entering a business meeting with the intention you will not do 'that thing;' the whole story, clashing and clanging, hugging, crying, or saying I'm sorry. Observe carefully the responses you get from business leaders without this behavior and if and how you are perceived differently.

Then you select another attribute and follow the process; rinse and repeat. The more of these behaviors you transform or modify to match the context of success, the more you are heard! The more you are heard, the more credibility and opportunity you have. The best part about women learning matching business context behaviors is that businesses get the best skills of both men and women, impacting the top and bottom line in a positive way.

3. Women rarely use collaboration effectively because they are mean natured, competitive, jealous, and cannot be trusted.

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This is the elephant in the room. Women do not want to take responsibility for jealousy or gossip, of which they are well-seasoned masters. The truth is, they haven't yet learned to distinguish or separate business from social behaviors and until they do, what seems to be a safe environment within which to collaborate with other women, quickly becomes a hotbed of nastiness and broken trust.

Men are effective in business because first, they determined what business success is over generations; they tend to separate business and social to some extent and always have. They have their quasi masterminds or collaborations where they bounce ideas off one another. They also have their social meetings where they cut up, have a beer, and laugh off any disagreements.

Not women. Women collapse them together. Where men will shake off disagreements in the social setting, women do not and often run away, holding a grudge, only to start all over again. This is true in business and even in women's groups. All is going well, time is passing, things are improving and then all of a sudden someone says something nasty, someone's feelings get hurt, and a woman leaves. Only to find another business or group to repeat the same process. It's no wonder women do not gain momentum nor are able to predict a growing monthly income. We don't stay long enough to build lasting power partnerships.

An easy way for business leaders and group leaders to halt the nastiness is to not allow gossip or mean spirited behavior, no matter what and whether woman or man. If they take a hard line with this behavior, like you are seeing with bullying as example, modifications will be made by those interested in rising above this fight or flight behavior. Business leaders need to take a 'stand' to get the best skills at the table from both men and women and not allow behavior counterproductive to business growth.


Leslie Flowers is the best-selling author of CHAMPION. 21st Century Women: Guardians of Wealth & Legacy, keynote speaker, and adviser who empowers women in business to tap their genuine inspiration, plan for success, and achieve their fullest potential inside the protection of a business mastermind.

Her book provides women in business the how-to's for effective goal setting and developing your own business mastermind. Her high yield, high performance women's business mastermind program teaches the timeless principles in Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, her book CHAMPION, and her book of client mastermind stories, Kettle-Dreams, to teach women the things they never knew to make an impact in business.

For more information: www.linkedin/in/lflowers

7 Attributes of the Ideal Mastermind Participant

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Now you know the 7 Reasons WHY Women Need a Mastermind to Succeed in Business. You may be considering starting your own women's business mastermind. It has to be high performance, high yield of course, to be worth your time investment!

You want to fill your mastermind with women who are in business 'for real'. "... there are women who are 'in business for real' and those who are 'playing at' running a business." [CHAMPION. 21st Century Women: Guardians of Wealth & Legacy, Chapter 5 Women, Wealth & Mastermind, p. 59]

Those in business for real step up to the plate and act on strategic opportunities every time -- not as a 'nice to have' or when it's convenient.

Start there. You will find both in most women's groups. Be selective.

"I am the mirror of your greatness; and you are the mirror of mine." [CHAMPION. 21st Century Women: Guardians of Wealth & Legacy, Chapter 5 Women, Wealth & Mastermind, p.68]

Success is a muscle that must be 'exercised' like any muscle, to be powerful and productive. Business success and confidence grows with experience and also by seeking and listening for only that which elevates your mastermind partners to their own extreme success. The level of greatness we see in others always perfectly matches our own level of greatness.

7 Attributes of the Ideal Mastermind Partner

1. Share a common interest with participants. That common interest is in one another being successful in business.
2. Are committed to the success of all participants. You intentionally habitualize your listening only for and looking only for one another's greatness.
3. Have similar skill and/or success or awareness levels. You are already a woman 'at the plate' and know what success and confidence in business 'feels' like.
4. Welcome accountability. Especially when you don't feel like it, you know that it is in the accountability of what you said you would do, where results show up.
5. Aspire to exceed goals. You never ever reduce a goal! Quite the contrary, you are pushing it to be bigger and more grand.
6. Trust group feedback. You finally can trust other women because you have hand selected women that are like you.
7. Take action on ideas and innovations from the group. You are always open to 'adding to' your ideas and do not look to make yourself 'right' and suggestions from others 'wrong.'

With everything in place ... the WHY for starting a business mastermind is a solid idea, the WHO is the best member for high performance and high yield results is clear, WHAT are the commitments of members and WHAT can you expect to 'show up' as indicators of the group Success?

Next up: What Results to Expect in your Women's Business Mastermind

photo: Les Cunliffe

5 Steps Women Must Take to Achieve Pay Equity

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The pay gap hasn’t budged in a decade. Women make up the majority of our nation’s workforce (New York Times, "Women Now a Majority in American Workplaces," Feb. 5, 2010), yet among full-time, year-round employees, we earn just 78 percent of what men are paid (Institute for Women’s Policy Research, "The Gender Wage Gap", 2013). It shouldn’t be surprising: while we comprise more than half of the U.S. population, we account for fewer than one-fourth of the 5,500 witnesses who testified before U.S. House committees in the 113th Congress (Sunlight Foundation, Sept. 9, 2014). With just one woman among 20 incoming GOP House chairmen, it’s unlikely we’ll reach pay equity via political means in the next two years.

Here are steps you can take now to contribute to your own success and narrow the wage gap:

1. Look for greatness in other women. Your potential grows in equal proportion to the potential you are able to see in others. When one woman succeeds, it’s important to receive and acknowledge her achievement. It builds your rapport with other women, who face many of the same challenges that you do. The more you practice this, the better you get at it. How you treat others is a pure reflection of how you see yourself. When we elevate ourselves, we grow in our confidence to affect change.

2. Separate business from personal matters. There is no need to provide a personal update at the beginning of a meeting. While there’s nothing wrong with getting to know your colleagues personally, there is a time for business and a time for social conversation. You want people to associate you with your business acumen, not your children’s extra-curricular activities.

Women know the danger of collapsing business and social matters better than most, because we’re often judged on our appearance. At an event with California Attorney General Kamala Harris, President Obama introduced her as the “best-looking attorney general in the country.” Harris later spoke about such comments and the flurry of dialogue they incite as “distraction from the work we do” and urged women not to let themselves be distracted. It’s great advice.

3. Tap your own limitless potential. The level of your results is an exact match with the level of investment you make in yourself. So you must grow in your awareness of what you do well and what you’d like to improve. Invest in yourself by partnering with a skilled coach or mentor who sees your blind spots and can guide you in identifying opportunities and removing barriers.

To win equal pay, we must see ourselves as equals in the workplace and display confidence that shows it.

4. Distinguish a business mindset. A growing number of women are the breadwinners in their families. For those without a back-up source of income, there isn’t much room for “playing” at, or dabbling in, business: every interaction matters. For these women especially, success and equal pay are a necessity.

Focus your language on the results you want. Do you speak about debt or abundance? Problems or opportunities? The words you use are the seeds you sow, and they create the results you harvest. Speak in bullet points. You don’t need to tell the whole story. Develop a list of 3-5 messages when you speak to people in a business context. It helps you prepare what you plan to say, and it will make what you share more memorable for others. As you continue to grow in these areas, the by-product is business savvy and confidence, which will make it easier for you to tackle the next step in this list.

5. Ask for equality. Most women agree that conversations about salary are among the most difficult in the workplace. To achieve equal pay with men, we must ask for equality individually, and then work in concert with other women more broadly. When we speak our own truth and ask for what we want, we also are speaking for women who have not yet found their voices.

U.S. Senator Kirsten Gillbrand would agree. She has said that, although women were largely responsible for getting President Obama elected, we haven’t asked him for anything. The male majority in American politics doesn’t have an incentive to close the wage gap. We must support female candidates and work together to ask for what we want.

When we grow our confidence, take action individually and work together as women, we can narrow the wage gap in this decade. The time to begin is now.

Leslie Flowers is an author, presenter and adviser who empowers people to tap their genuine inspiration, plan for success and achieve their fullest potential. She works with entrepreneurs, team leaders and executives to identify values, build high-performance teams, reach consensus on strategy, and more. For more information, visit Leslie Flowers on LinkedIn or her website.

When Taking Responsibility Becomes a ‘Racket’

One of the first levels of awareness and self assessment in the process of intentional personal inner change in understanding our true and infinite potential, is realizing that we each are responsible for our own choices, whether executed intentionally or by default. Being responsible works 24/7/365 whether we are present or aware of our part in the result, or not.

splatThe best way to describe being always responsible is that it works like gravity. Whether we know that if we jump off a multistory building that we will land with a splat ... or not, the truth is, splat is what occurs. It's your responsibility whether you jump by intention or not.

It's easy to be confused initially as to how 'being responsible' has an effect on your level of success when you first begin your inner journey. Breathe. Out of confusion will come order for you ... if you just keep walking.

It is in the practice of mentally stopping yourself in the moment and purposely 'taking responsibility' for what happens, regardless of what, that builds courage and integrity. You are bombarded with information ... much, much more than a super human could ever manage. It makes sense to be confused as to how this works. Breathe. If you are not confused, you are one of 2 or 3 women out of 100 that is way ahead of the game.

Once you accept responsibility for your all your life -- the things you like and the ones you do not -- don't let this happen to you! Even being responsible has a pitfall!

Let me share about Libby. Smart, in her early 50's, married with two children through college and on their own, she was looking forward to retirement in a few years. She was excited to start her inner journey and was doing a lot of reading and going to seminars and workshops as a start.

woman wants to charge more
One morning a frantic call came in to the president of her local women's group from Libby (the group's speaker coordinator), just four days before their quarterly business luncheon. "We don't have a speaker," Libby told the president. "I forgot to reconfirm and she took another engagement. I apologize. I take full responsibility."

What happened? Libby told the truth, step 1. How many people would have 'made up an excuse' rather than own up? Most. So this work is excellent.

She had already gotten on a cellular level that taking responsibility for her actions gave her access to a powerful, good feeling. Stepping up to the plate, no matter how tough it may have been in the past to 'own up' for a mistake, was now a given for Libby. She now felt no guilt of any kind whenever she owned up to something. She stepped up to the plate, picked up the bat, and "hit it out of the park."

Here is where she got trapped. Something unexpected happened to Libby -- something you can avoid easily once you know about it.

What you didn't know ... or the rest of the story ... is that this was not the first time Libby had 'taken responsibility for not doing what she said she would -- not being her Word' inside this women's group. It was not about a speaker then, but about being part of a 'delivery team' during the holidays for the underprivileged the year before, when Libby was a no show. Oh, she called, and yes, she apologized and 'took responsibility' and it still however put a crimp in the delivery schedule for everyone as they had no lead time to readjust their schedule.

racketThis once newly found awareness had now become an excuse or a real 'racket.' It 'looked' like an apology, but it was not. It was not 'authentic,' if you will. It was an automatic excuse ... and that was it.

People began to hear that same phrase from Libby for one thing or another and before long people avoided giving her any task with a deadline. They already 'knew' from her past behavior that you could not count on her. Libby didn't see it, but I watched this happening.

Once you take responsibility, step 2 is setting a short deadline for what you promised and meeting it, no matter what. Libby thought that simply 'being responsible' was enough. And it worked for a while. What she didn't see was that she impacted everyone else and taught them to not count on her. We teach others how to treat us.

What I found curious is that I've known Libby for a number of years and she has always kept her Word with me. What occurred to me is that perhaps we have a hierarchy of people ('our Word' profiling) with whom we would never break our word and those with whom we will. So our Word is for sale.

Women Succeeding in Business Following Think and Grow Rich

The first of the 3 biggest factors in women earning less money and business success than men is primarily a lack of certain vital information of which women are totally unaware.

Once women get their hands on this information, they begin a process to first learn and then habitualize it, quickly boosting income and confidence as successful business owners.

What's missing for women are the age-old business success principles men have used for more than 200 generations to create our context for success. These principles are found in Napoleon Hill's classic, Think and Grow Rich.

According to Forbes in 2011, more than 70 million copies were sold since its publication in 1937 and the book continues to sell robustly today.

Business success for women yields palpable and expedient results when women understand, internalize, and consistently apply the concepts found in Hill's classic.

Men grew up with the principles in Think and Grow Rich and they are an inherent part of their everyday business demeanor. For example, they get to the point quickly and speak in bullet points. Their natural confidence has them step up to the plate, regardless of experience. They have clarity of thought and confidence in business.leslieflowers men

Women grew up mastering a different set of skills to manage the home. They nurture with stories and affection. They are task masters with heart. They are the peacemakers, the collaborators, and leaders.With women entering the workplace only a few decades ago, they do so without the skills required to achieve success at the same rate as men.  The sooner women learn these principles on an internal level -- so they don't think twice about them -- the sooner they begin to enjoy a quick jump in earnings and advancement -- without giving up one drop of their femininity.

As one of the few female Think and Grow Rich experts in the world, I have translated the crusty, male, 100-year-old classic into modern business terms with specific processes to help women achieve more money and develop momentum, with consistency and predictability.

With the wage gap expected to close around mid-century and with many single mothers barely able to put food on the table, it is imperative women learn to influence their own outcome in business by mastering the principles of success. It will even the playing field sooner rather than later.

To learn more about women already studying these principles to close the wage gap in record time, visit

Your Mentor Is Not Your Friend

It was no surprise to me when I fell madly in awe with one of my personal development mentors years ago. Smart and handsome ... who wouldn't!

I remember feeling the same way about the physician who saw me during my first pregnancy and delivered my first child. I was sure the man walked on water after he left the office every day.

Women collapse logical thinking with emotions. They expect the relationship will last beyond paying for services.

I remember having difficulty managing myself emotionally during the breakup of my daughter and her first boyfriend in high school. She was upset. I was devastated! I went from 45 to a 15 year old in a flash! It was puppy love for me all over again!

Back to my mentor. I played his training videos day in and day out. I listened to him facilitate calls, delving deeply into the subjects that I admit, arouse me much more than a quick grab and kiss. I lived inside the work he taught for several years.

Rude awakenings occurred when I crossed the line and held his feet to the fire. He cut me off at the knees. I was so sure it was more than business for us! How could I have been so wrong?

For him our relationship was business and when I stood up to him, he dropped me like a hot potato.

I think men get this about the mentor relationship, absorb it as 'this is how it is,' and move on.

This was like a breakup. I reworked our dialogues night after night as I lay awake thinking somehow I could change events of the past. I was tortured.

How much emotional energy do women attach to mentors without realizing it?

What if women could look at mentors as business relationships and let that be that?

As with the physician, then the boyfriend, and then mentor, I am now very clear about one thing,

Save my precious creative energy for things that serve the world -- and don't worry when or if my mentor drops me, regardless of the reason.

Why is this important for women in business?

Because one day YOU will mentor someone and will be sensitive to their falling in love with you!

What If They Are Not Your Ideal Client?

they are not your idea client

Have you ever had this happen to you with a client or potential client ...

  • they may be a no-show for a meeting, program, or agreement with you,

  • they approached you, and now they're out of touch,

  • they do not return any of multiple efforts to reach them,
  • and you know they are alive and well?

I have some answers! 

I WAS THIS PERSON! This BAD client. The TIME-WASTING client. Yes, indeed, I have said more than once "it takes being a great follower to be a great leader."

I've changed.

It was not until I SURRENDERED to the Truth -- I AM NOT PERFECT  -- and GAVE MYSELF A BREAK, that I was able to BE in communication again, without GUILT. It was a process, however. It did not happen overnight. The process is called BEING VULNERABLE -- Perhaps THE single most important lesson of my life thus far! This POWER is UNMATCHED among people!

  • I dropped out of paid programs. I thought 'throwing money at my issues' would solve it.
  • I blamed the facilitator for my lack of learning. I didn't know then that the level of my effort would match the level of my results.
  • I ignored phone calls from my coach. I didn't think they were important.

I DIDN'T CARE about what they thought. That is when I realized, I did not care WHAT I THOUGHT!

We see in others our own character ... and flaws. We see in others, their greatness, because it is a reflection of our own. The more we focus on greatness, the bigger it gets!

Now, as an Authority on women learning and applying timeless business success principles to grow their businesses, ask for, and receive service remuneration they have earned and deserve, I am experiencing MYSELF as I was before I learned that how I engage in one program is merely a reflection of how I engage in all areas of my life. 

At one time, if I had a client that matched the top 5 bullet points, I would have

  • 'chased them down,'
  • 'insisted' they get their money's worth,
  • gotten caught up in how this had 'something or ANYTHING at all to do with ME!'

Now I know this for sure: They are WEEDING THEMSELVES OUT for me! I don't have time to waste CHASING THEM!

As I get picky and choosy about who I will work with, I realize this person who hasn't yet completed the process, is not my IDEAL CLIENT ... not now, that is. 

That's a paradigm shift -- a NEW WAY OF THINKING, THAT STICKS and SAVES TIME!

Of course, I have occasionally for 'a second or two' wondered 'what I might have done to cause their disappearance,' and in the blink of an eye, my deep-seated BELIEF, that it's not time for them now, steps in and RUNS THE SHOW!

Is there a "call to Action" for you after reading this post? Is there someone you need to call to be vulnerable and simple 'tell them' where you are and why you have 'disappeared?' I recommend you DO IT. Not only will they feel better ... SO WILL YOU!!! 

Please share via comments if or when you 'cleaned something up' and how you felt doing it and/or what was the Result!

Why Women Will Continue Earning Less Until 2054

Staggering statistic, isn't it? Really?? 2054???

It made me shudder the day I met Beth Briggs who was up until recently the Director of the Council for Women in North Carolina some 18 months ago In Raleigh, and she shared the results of the Council's commissioned report.

Right now women in North Carolina earn 17.5% less than men for the same work. "That's plain crazy," I thought to myself while lunching at Brasa in Raleigh, where Briggs was the speaker.

For years I have been teaching ancient principles of success and universal law, with focus on Think and Grow Rich by Napoleon Hill, via dozens of masterminds. I saw the results over time. I also saw most of my clients were women.

And during those years I could not hone in on WHY I was caught up in studying and teaching materials written by men, read by men and practiced in business by men ... I just loved doing it. I love reducing complex concepts into bite sized nuggets and sharing them with women who take them "and RUN!"

When I heard those statistics I got myself to Greensboro March 2013 for the official release with all the political big wigs in the State present along with the report authors (institute for women's policy research) IWPR. I just knew I had my answer -- why I was so enveloped in these 'male' principles.

During the press conference that day,I had this crazy image of my great granddaughters caring for me when I'm over 100 years old and all they can afford to feed me is BEEFARONI or Mac & Cheese! NOTHING DOING FOR THIS NANA! I'm having bacon wrapped scallops and filet mignon oscar -- for breakfast!!

So here's what I know for sure about the wage gap and HOW TO have it close TIGHT by 2025 ... my personal commitment ...

  • Women have never been exposed to the very timeless and ancient success principles and laws that have through evolution, set the context for success in business. When they do, their results in business catapult.
  • Women enter into business with almost no skills that are effective. When they learn to match the context, their results in business catapult.

We've got plenty of skills all right, but they are home management and family skills -- collaboration, peacemaking, leadership to start.

Women show up in business however and CLASH with the context and they don't even know it!

Women are not listened to by business leaders because they simply do not fit in.

It would be no different if men all came home to manage families. There is a learning curve. They'd be fish out of water for a while ... as women are now!

So .... here it is ladies .... when you understand -- from a female point of view -- these ancient principles and laws, how they work, and how to infuse them into your business practices in short order ... things change for ... AND IN A HURRY!

You can grab yourself a copy of my free report anytime on the wage gap HERE.

Even better, you could register yourself in my free online Webinar on Tuesday March 18, 7:30-8:30 pm and learn the 7 Secrets to Wealth Health and Happiness, based on a female view of the ancient principles of success!

Could Women’s Groups Be Keeping the Wage Gap Fat?

Ever noticed there are a dozen women's group in any given metropolis, while men's groups are few and have lifelong members?

I noticed this years ago as I joined one women's group, then another, then another ... until I had made the 'rounds' as so many of my colleagues have done. I realized they are pretty much all the same!

They speak about being 'distinct' from one another and in some cases there are some efforts in that direction, yet in the end, it's about women being afraid to stay in one place for a long time with other women.

Why was my next question. Men stay in Lions and Kiwanis as examples all their lives, as did their fathers.

Women are fickle ... and Women don't trust other women.

We the nurturers and over 5000 years of recorded history we have been catty, jealous, territorial, and just plain unkind. Not all women -- let's say 97 out of 100, shall we?

So why would any woman trust another group of women over time?

Yet the timeless principal of mastermind is what, as example, made Andrew Carnegie the richest man in the world during his time. Carnegie attributed all his wealth to his ongoing and lifelong mastermind.

"Mr. Carnegie's Master Mind group consisted of a staff of approximately fifty men, with whom he surrounded himself, for the DEFINITE PURPOSE of manufacturing and marketing steel. He attributed his entire fortune to the ..." from Chapter 10, Think and Grow Rich. Read more ...

Can you see women doing this? I can absolutely!

There are now women's masterminds "mavenZminds" focused study groups for women learning, assimilating, and applying Hill's Principles of Success in business.

banner mavenzminds

So women keep hopping from one organization or another, looking for that 'something' that will grow their businesses, although they don't know what it is. A very few find it.

Women are looking for Trust where up until now, there is little or none. Yet it's not trust in others ... it's trust in ourselves.

Women in business are a mismatch for business success. We are fish out of water -- and why not with only 2 or 3 decades or full fiscal responsibility for our families?

Women come to the conference table not believing we are

  1. capable of running a successful business and
  2. deserving of that success!

Womens groups overall purport to 'lift women up' and help them grow their businesses, yet why then do they often bring in men as speakers?

While there are a few women's groups that remain staunch in their support of women and do not do this, most are still seeking some kind of approval by supporting men.

Regardless of how expert in a subject a man may be, there is always, always, always a woman who is as smart and savvy and self expressed as he! And frankly even if she was a new speaker with little training, yet an expert in her field, I would rather hear her and lift her up. Wouldn't you?

Last night during President Barack Obama's 2014 State of the Union Address stated as part of the program that women should be paid equal to men. Yet we know statistically (IWPR Report for the Council for Women in North Carolina) that it will be 2054 before the 17.5% wage gap will disappear!

So the question is "what can women do right now" to begin to close the gap?

This is my work -- my legacy -- to collapse the gap by 2025 by teaching women the ancient principals and laws that that constitute the context of success in business.

If you are a woman's organization to support women, I say STOP BRINGING IN MEN as your speakers! There is no need! Lift up Women!

Help them sell their products and hear their message. BE who you say you are for Women.

My keynote speaking mentor Steve Siebold who has written books such as Die Fat or Get Tough: 101 Differences in Thinking Between Fat People and Fit People and Fat Loser! shared that he had people who were opposed to his point of view (can you imagine?) ... yet they visited his web sites and bought his books and products.

For me as a rare and self-made female expert on Think and Grow Rich, speaking out on this subject, I know a lot of women will be very 'hot' and disagree with me. That's okay because I speak a truth for those who have not yet found their own voice. What do you think?

The Black Dot

black and pink dots

As nearly 300 people filed into the general session, staff was placing either a black dot or a pink dot on everyone's badge. They just put a black dot on my badge and I knew what it meant! I was not chosen for the elite group -- the group I knew I belonged in!

I reacted by immediately trying to peel off the dot with my thumb nail, but no luck. I smoothed it back out but the white crinkles from where it bunched together for two seconds, gave it away. If anyone cared why my black dot was different than theirs, that is.

Were you always -- or pretty much always -- picked last for any team in school?
Year after year you would wait with anticipation and that knot in your stomach ... almost hearing your name called before a name was called? And it was not yours?

Of course no one can always be first -- although there did seem to be some kids that were. They absolutely tipped the scales in having multiple 'turns' -- but not you. Not me either.

I had forgotten that 'sick feeling' until a few weeks ago when it hit me like a two-by-four ... and I was faced with another rejection -- this one more than half a century later! You would think by now something like this would not take me by surprise and cause a instantaneous reaction!

I wasn't good enough! I didn't make the grade! Never mind that I had decided that if I was chosen (pink dot)pink dotI was not going to register in the program anyway. So the point should have been moot, right? But it was not.

Amid the crowd, before entering the room, I slipped by my friend's (Dee) sponsor table, held up my badge and mouthed, "see I told you I wasn't chosen." She just smiled and I hustled inside for the next session.

What I didn't know until much later was that Dee also had a black dot

That could be explained away because she just finished doing the 'winning program.'

Another friend (Sue) also had a black dot
Sue came up with a clever explanation ... she was registered in another program that was just getting started so they wouldn't pick her.

The 'dot' criteria included a screen test, head shot, style evaluation, 'wow' factor, and short pitch. I had the pitch down pat and at the last minute decided to tell my story rather than what they asked. As a result when being evaluated on my pitch, several items had no value because I 'never got there.' The two most important ones -- I scored 8 and 9 out of 10.

So why the black dot for me?
And why at my age and I still worrying about being picked?
And why are the other people experiencing this same thing?

The night before I was helping my friend and became a little agitated trying to get through a sea of people into the breakout room. One of the staff outside the door saw this, smiled, and put their hand on my shoulder (to calm me down). So of course, I figured when the staff got together to choose black dot or pink dot, they were sure that I would be way too much trouble "a hot mess" they said. So therefore the black dot.

Doing things 'wrong' again. Not being 'smart enough.' And the list goes on, right?

That sinking feeling -- when they are picking teams for kickball what seems like 100 years ago as your name is not called ... and not called ... and not called ... Really? Over a black dot or a pink dot? black and pink dots
I found days later during a phone conversation with another friend (Robin) ... that she had a similar experience when she got the dreaded black dot. black dot

She was also baffled about why she was not chosen. She came up with a couple of good explanations.

We made up reasons why we were not chosen and it had to do with our self worth -- our coming up short in some way. Those reasons were reactive and emotional and not at all a representation of the work we do in personal development.

I know that what we believe is a perfect match to our results. It showed me that I have a hidden, limiting belief about being selected and the importance I place on it, that needs reshaping. It's not hard to do at all. The challenge is 'seeing' and distinguishing that reactivity for yourself. Then the belief building process can begin.

The rest of the story ....

I entered the room with all the people with black dots  black dots on their badges, and took a seat. My friend Sue came over and whispered in my ear, laughing "we were both wrong!"

"What do you mean," I whispered back. Sue said, "the "black dot" IS the WINNING dot! We were CHOSEN!" 

The black dot was the pink dot! pink dot

All of us saw the black dot black dotas a limitation. All of us found ourselves reactivated by a childhood belief we had not yet dealt with. I thought of being 'black balled' when I saw the dot.

We all had a good laugh and realized that even as experts in our field, there is always something to learn and refine in ourselves as humans growing and living into our optimum potential.